My Response to John Piper’s statements regarding wives being abused:
Here is a link to John Piper’s statements:
Disclaimer: I am approaching this subject from a Christian, social workers perspective. I do not agree with the stance that John Piper takes regarding men and women’s roles. Here are a few quick references regarding this subject:
- John Piper’s Views on Manhood and Womanhood: A Reponse, Part I | Et elle, et al.
- http://www.bible-researcher.com/plutarch1.html
- This one actually discusses Piper’s stance on abuse and references his book: http://www.godswordtowomen.org/scholer.htm
As I listened to this rather short commentary from John Piper regarding his stance on abused women, I had several reactions: I got angry, my chest broke out in hives, and I was disgusted, but not surprised. Do I believe that John Piper has some good things to say? Yes. Do I believe that he has helped people and that God has used him? Yes. Do I agree with his view of a women’s role in the church and to her husband? NO. Do I think that these statements regarding abuse are harmful? YES!
First of all, the question that started this all off was “What should a wife’s submission to her husband look like if he is an abuser?” My answer: A wife should not be submitting to a husband who is abusing her. A wife who continues to submit to her husband who is abusive is, in my opinion, submitting to his abuse, not to his leadership. I believe in Egalitarianism, not Complementarianism, so right off the bat I disagree with what John Piper is saying. Secondly, when he is referring to sexually abusive acts that a husband may ask his wife to do, I think that the wife has the right to be at least a little bit pissed off! She can still approach him in an assertive manner in love. Piper suggests that a wife respond like this: “honey I want so much to follow you as my leader, God calls me to do that, and I would love to do that, it would be sweet to me if I could enjoy your leadership, but if you ask this of me, I can’t go there.” If a man is asking his wife to participate in group sex or is sexually abusing his wife, do you really think that he is going to listen to his wife? Do you really think that he is going to be rational? Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse, and research has shown that if someone is being sexually and physically abused, then they have a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed. Abuse is about power and control, and the stance that John Piper takes on this subject does not address the power and control aspect of the abuse. The way that wives are supposed to act according to John Piper’s interpretation is degrading and likens them to servants, and frankly, saddens me.
Next, when he says that wives may endure verbal abuse for a season and she endures perhaps being smacked for one night, and then seeks help from the church, really got my blood boiling! There are so many things wrong with this statement, that I don’t know where to begin. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Enduring verbal (emotional) abuse for a season is not a response that is likely to help a woman in that situation. How long is a season? If a husband is verbally abusing his wife, you can pretty much bet that it is not just for a “season”. It is a serious problem that can lead to low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. In addition, those who verbally abuse often make threats of physical violence. That leads me to the next point: enduring getting smacked for one night? WTF? Usually, when a woman is being abused, it is never just an isolated incident. It is never ok to get smacked around by your husband!
Any woman who is being abused in any way should seek help immediately and should not have to “endure” it. I do not disagree that she could seek help from the church, but that should not be her only means of help. If she is being physically harmed by her husband, she needs to contact the authorities! Most churches are not qualified to deal with domestic abuse situations. She needs to contact a domestic abuse hotline at the very least. A domestic abuse hotline can provide her with information regarding a safe place to go, counseling services, and support groups, among other services. Yes, the church can be a support for her during this difficult time but it is not the ultimate solution. His discipline should not come from the church alone, and how would they discipline him anyway? Banish him? I think that you are going down a slippery slope when you leave it up to churches to discipline and deal with situations like this. How is that any different from the Islamic Sharia family law, where they deal with family disputes internally and don’t involve outside authorities? Additionally, I personally have known someone who was being abused both verbally and physically by her husband. Her husband was an alcoholic and refused to get help. She went to her church for help, and all that they told her is that they would pray for her and that she had an obligation to stay with her husband. She was worn out both emotionally and physically, and felt like she had no choice but to endure her husbands abuse. At the time, I did not know what I know now, and I wish I could have helped her and hooked her up with different resources. Ultimately, her marriage ended in divorce, despite the churches “intervention.” She carried a huge amount of guilt around about her failed marriage. I have since lost touch with her, but now I have made a vow to myself that if I come across someone in that situation, that I will do whatever I can to help in that situation, specifically by connecting her with resources to places that specialize in domestic abuse issues. The bottom line is, that John Piper’s statements are ill informed and are dangerous. I would urge anyone who respects and heeds the advice of John Piper to reconsider, and to look at this situation from another viewpoint.
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