Response to a friend re: Spousal Abuse

• I am responding in this note to my friend Travis who responded to my original note regarding spousal abuse. Here is a link to his response :http://www.facebook.com/notes/travis-glenn-blankenship/spousal-abuse-in-the-church/448841213945
• I think that the word submission is throwing us off. The way that Complimentarians and Egalitarians interpret it’s usage in scripture is important to note. I was saying that in the complimentarian context of the use of the word submission, that a wife should not be commanded to submit to her husband’s leadership when he is clearly abusing his role as leader. I am also referring more to ongoing abuse, not a single incident. As an Egalitarian, I prefer to not even use the word submission, I believe that we are not called to submit, to be ruled over, or dominated by one another in a marriage.We are called to cooperation and to love one another in the spirit of unity. I believe that Christ should be the true head of the home in a Christian marriage, not any one person. I am not suggesting to cease spousal duties when one is failing to uphold them. I guess it would also depend on what your definition of spousal duties is. I was simply stating that in the context of a leadership role, the man should not require the woman to submit to his leadership if he is abusing that power. Yes, spouses should be committed to love one another through good times and the bad. A wife can and should still love her husband and support him through a difficult situation such as this.
• Yes, I did mean that the church by itself should not be the ultimate (and only) solution. Yes, a woman should be able to seek comfort and support in her church. Yes, her abuser should be held accountable in the church. But what if her husband is an elder, deacon, board member, Sunday school teacher, or even the pastor? What then? I don’t think that the entire church body should be deeply involved. If church members are not equipped to handle situations such as these, then there is the greater likelihood that someone will say something that is potentially harmful and there is a greater chance of the person being re-victimized because of the ignorance of people. The more people that know, the greater the chance. Do I believe that the spirit can still speak through those church members who are not educated on this subject? Absolutely.
• I agree, the husband should confess and repent. In my understanding and study of human behavior and psychology though, it usually takes more than just confession and repentance for someone to change a behavior pattern. I am not saying that God cannot radically transform someone, because I believe it can happen.
• In addition, I believe that the other services can also be an extension of the church. As you know, the church is not just confined to the building itself. As you stated, “God will use the other services in this world and we can trust that to be good.” I agree with you. God can use those other services as a means of healing and transformation. There are even Christian ministries that are devoted to this issue. I see that you really want the church to be the main source of healing and restoration, and I totally get where you are coming from. I am just asking you to expand your view of the church to see that maybe these other services could be an extension of the body of Christ? I don’t know if this all makes sense or not, but I think that this is my last response in writing for now, because I can see this going on and on. I am glad that you have challenged my response. This is how we learn and grow. I still am open to talking about this issue more, but I have other things that need attending to right now. Thank you for your thoughtful response and for being open to be challenged as well. I have great admiration for you and for your love of the church, and I hope that someday soon we can discuss this in person!